Question Your Beliefs About Networking   by Carol L. Skolnick

Do any of these beliefs about networking sound familiar?

I don't like networking events because...

"I don't have the time/energy/stomach to do it effectively."
"People there are only interested in pushing their own products and services."
"I have to act like a phony to get people interested."
"The attendees are not my target audience."
"Follow-up is too hard."
"I'm not a people-person."
"I"ll fail."

Networking is the bain of many a business owner's existence but it needn't be; the key is to examine our stressful beliefs about networking.

Here's the good news about stressful thoughts like the ones above: they only produce anxiety because they aren't true for you. That's right; only untrue thoughts and beliefs that you have not inquired into produce stressful feelings. (They may be true for someone else, but not for you.)

When a thought gives rise to an uncomfortable feeling, it's like an alarm clock letting you know it's time to wake up from the nightmare and face reality. Using The Work of Byron Katie, a very simple method of four questions and a turnaround, you can hold your networking beliefs up to the light of truth -- your truth.

Let's examine one of those beliefs: "People at networking events are only interested in pushing their own products and services." It's one of my own favorites; I thought and believed it for years. We will hold this belief up against The Work's four questions.

1. Is it true? Really step back from your statement and think about it. Do you truly believe that the other networkers are only interested in their own agenda? If so, move on to question two:
   
   
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? Can you truly know another's motives, can you see into other peoples' minds and hearts? Even if your answer is still "yes," let's move on to question three:
   
   
3. How do you react when you think that thought? How do you treat other people at the event? Do you listen to them, or are you just waiting for a chance to talk about your business? How does it feel inside of you when you think people are interested only in themselves and not you? Where do you feel that in your body? How do you think that affects the way you come across? Where does your mind travel? How do you treat yourself? Do you drink too much, talk too loudly, retreat altogether?
   
   
4. Who would you be without this thought? If you couldn't even formulate in your mind the belief, "People at networking events are only interested in pushing their own products and services," how would you do things differently? How would you feel, planning to attend a networking event, and how would you conduct yourself once there? How might follow-up be easier? What could you learn by attending the event that you might not absorb with the stressful belief?

Now turn the thought around. What is the exact opposite of "People at networking events are only interested in pushing their own products and services?" "People at networking events are NOT only interested in pushing their own products and services." Could that be just as true, or truer? Is it possible that people at networking events might need what you (and others) have to offer? Or that they love networking and passing along information to colleagues who might need your services?

Another turnaround: "I am only interested in pushing my own products and services." Let that one sink in. We frequently ascribe our own motives to others; it's human nature. If it's true that we're self-involved at times, it's good to notice; then we can be open to the camaraderie, learning experiences, and possibilities we might never have dreamed of that are at the heart of all networking events.

You can use The Work to examine all kinds of stressful thoughts in business and "real life." Hate making cold calls? Having a problem with your business partner? Your life partner? Relief is just four questions away.

About the Author:
Carol L. Skolnick, principle of Clear Life Solutions, is an educator and facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie, a coaching tool to help individuals and groups achieve clarity in live and work. E-Mail her at sput6@aol.com to receive the special report, "The 9 Proficiencies of The Work at Work" and to subscribe to the ezine PEACEtalks: The Newsletter for Self-awareness in Business. For more information about Carol's services, workshops and speaking engagements, visit http://hometown.aol.com/sput6

© 2005 by Carol L. Skolnick. All rights reserved.